Suddenly you are faced with a life of no wheat and no dairy. Ever. You and your loving boyfriend are cruising the grocery aisles, planning your holiday feast: ham (read label, check additives…okay), roasting potatoes, baby carrots, green beans. All is well, until your loving boyfriend wanders into the bakery and begins fingering cakes. He pauses at an angel food, ponders a chocolate torte, and finally, after much deliberation, settles on a deep dish honey crunch apple pie. “Let’s get ice cream!” he exclaims.

In your mind he is writhing on the floor in a pool of melted French Vanilla, clutching his groin. In reality, you grit your teeth and follow him through the dairy aisle (pretending not to notice the Chunky Monkey you will NEVER TASTE AGAIN), hit the checkout, drive home, open the ice cream, spit in it, put it and the damned pie away and finally collapse in a fit of despair. Then you make this awesome apple crumble, which is only for you because you have become someone with Special Dietary Needs, and people with Special Dietary Needs can call no share-sies.

Grease a pan with ghee. Chuck apple slices in pan, sprinkle with sugar/sweetener and cinnamon. Dot with 2 tsp ghee.

Mix the other 2 tsp of ghee into brown sugar/sweetener. Mix with almond flour and nuts. Plop atop apples. Bake covered at 350 for 15 minutes, then uncover and bake until crumbly bit has browned and apples are tender, about 30 minutes or so depending on your oven, the weather, whether the moon is in Mars, etc.

Serve warm or cold. Top with whipped coconut cream. And let everyone else eat their crummy store-bought pie. Wheat-eating losers.